RECOVERY 101 NEWSLETTER / OPINION SECTION: OVERCOMING GRIEF WITH GOD
Recovery 101 Newsletter
OPINION Section
By Dennis Scott Farmer
When we talk about recovery, we often think about addiction or trauma. However, recovery comes in many forms, each as unique as the individual journey it entails. One area of recovery that is underappreciated is grief. Society often accepts grief as simply "a part of life," but for many, grief can be a lasting, debilitating condition that lingers with no apparent end.
In February 2023, I lost my father at the age of 65—far too young. At nearly 47 myself, his passing made me acutely aware of time. I remember him saying to me before he passed, "Wouldn't it be nice to know you had at least five or ten years left?" His words reflected his longing for just a little more time. Yet, he faced his death from cancer head-on. While there were moments of doubt, fear, and sadness, he used the time he had left to make amends, speak unspoken truths, and reach out to those who had impacted his life.
He sought forgiveness where it was needed, extended it where it was asked, and spent his final year checking off an enviable bucket list. Most notably, he found solace in Christ through a deep friendship with our pastor. When the time came, my father remained lucid until his last few days. He never wanted to linger in a state of unresponsiveness, and he didn’t. We were there, along with our pastor, praying him home when he took his final breath.
Watching someone die is a unique experience, but watching a parent die—especially a son watching his father—is almost a rite of passage. I was meant to be part of that process, and I will always be grateful for being there. But it’s not easy. I speak from experience when I say that those final moments can play endlessly in your mind. Randomly, they return, particularly that last breath. The moment was profound, yet even now, it's difficult to put into words. We all cried—probably more so in the months that followed than in the immediate aftermath. Grief works that way. Even when you know it’s coming, you’re never truly prepared. In that moment, life changes permanently.
Personally, I have moved forward—both physically and emotionally—from that day. The memory will stay with me until my own time comes, but I see it for what it was: a transition. My father, whose body had become little more than a shell, continues to live on in spirit. I believe, as he did, that he will enjoy eternity with our Creator. This belief brings me peace and comfort, guiding me through the grief and the moments when the memories become overwhelming.
Many resources exist to help those struggling with grief: counseling, therapy, support groups. These tools can help ease the burden. Yet, I often wonder how anyone can truly recover from a profound loss without faith in God. Without belief in the afterlife or an understanding that we are spiritual beings, one is left with the bleak idea that the tangible world is all there is. How small and shallow that makes life’s beautiful moments if we believe they are ultimately meaningless.
For those who knew him and don’t share my belief, they will have carried my father’s passing as a heavy, haunting burden. Without the security of Christ and the assurance of salvation, those who grieve without faith grieve the hardest. Death is inevitable; it will come for all of us. But for those who believe, death is not the end. One day, when this broken world is no more, we will be reunited with those who have died in Christ, enjoying the true purpose of our existence: eternal life with God. Those who have not placed their faith in Him, however, will face a different fate—an eternity of isolation and separation from God’s presence. That, to me, is real grief.
I realize that my views are increasingly controversial in today’s world. I see it all around me, and the Bible predicted it centuries ago:
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power."
— 2 Timothy 3:1-5
I am not a theologian or a Bible scholar, just a flawed man who struggles daily in my walk with the Lord. But I know this: My recovery from grief was made possible by the grace and mercy of the Father and through my faith in Christ. No other explanation makes sense.
Recovery from grief doesn’t mean you no longer feel sad. You will still have moments where the loss hits you, and you miss the person who has passed. I miss my father every day. But I am confident I will see him again. If you want that same assurance, know this: It doesn’t come from anything tangible on this earth. While therapy and support are valuable tools, they can only take you so far if they are not anchored in faith in Christ. Without Him, we are all lost.
I pray that if you are struggling with grief, you would turn your pain and burden over to Him. The world may try to convince you that God does not exist, but I urge you to seek Him out for yourself. If you ask with humility and sincerity for Him to reveal Himself to you, I truly believe He will. Seek His peace, and not only will He comfort you, but you will also be assured that you will see your loved ones again in Heaven.